Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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