You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
