rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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