Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
