vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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