I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
