Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Holy shit dude........stairs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
