there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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