Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
