Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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