ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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