the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
bring money and cleavage
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
