it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
