I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
