I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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