You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
