Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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