you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and she was petting her beer can
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
