My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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