He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
