eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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