I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
