I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
