you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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