i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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