My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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