So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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