I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
