So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
