So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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