Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
