New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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