new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
