Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
