You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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