Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize