4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
