I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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