The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
