Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
