the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
