She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
