1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
