But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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