I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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