i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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