Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
