every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
