So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
