I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
