i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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