It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
