I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
