bring money and cleavage
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
