I wanna bring you to show and tell
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
