guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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