i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i've created a new STD.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
