I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
