Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
