90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize